Perceptions and Illusions

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Of what is life when the glass shatters, 
and my vision appears blurry and fragmented?      
Of what is life when the stars burned out too fast?       
What would life be if I had not cross path with you,       
where the house burns down, the air turns grey,       
yet you look at life as if it's a fresh canvas, a blank page,       
indirectly igniting forgotten power within.     

I sit here, at the edge of the pier looking at the starry night sky,       
I count each breath, each falling star.       
This moment, feels like a dream, once upon a time ago,       
Today, I thank you for cracking the shell I hid inside.       
I drift to sleep knowing tomorrow is a new day      
to be louder, to shine brighter,      
and what do you know? To smile even wider still.      

You never lecture, neither do you preach a thing,       
your energy, a blooming fire, fills the room,       
and for the first time, I have space to grow, to be.       
You challenge my mind, every single time,       
and though I know it frustrates you,       
your kindness prevails with steady fingers snapping me out       
from the daze I would otherwise spiral into.     

There are no words for this, no, not enough,       
to paint this picture of what it all means to me,       
that glint of hope exists in me after all,       
that I am beginning to feel human again.       
The ups and the downs, the strange irregular angles,      
now each one has a meaning and a purpose,      
as this voice finds its song again.     

Thank you is just a whisper, not the whole thing,       
maybe one day I will find the word for it,       
for this glimmer has sparked a dying flame,       
a light in me to walk through this endless tunnel,      
and for now, thank you is all I have.       
Trusting that tomorrow will be okay, as you say,     
until someday it's light enough to fly even higher.

- D.A 2025

I wrote this early this morning struggling to sleep after a night's rest drilled at the gym. I know this has been brewing in me for a long time and finally I'm able to put these abstract thoughts and emotions into words that flow (somewhat). Finally, it's in lines I could see clearly. Finally, it's put out there for good. Finally, finally.

It's been a very long time since I last felt like this, inspired. Writing has always been a form of therapy for me for but for the longest time, I have avoided it for I'm afraid my words are too harsh to depict the reality I walk on. It's far harder to write a poem in this state too.

Oh, how I missed being able to play with words, paint with words and flow with words. 

This morning, I woke up, I rewrote it a dozen times until I'm happy with it. Will I ever share this with you? Maybe someday. Partially feeling cheesy but oh well, when a light inspires another dying flame, the best way to show gratitude is through actions. One of it is..this..I guess.

I wrestle with the idea to put up the Great Wall of China guard to protect myself from falling and so far, it's been quite a task to walk on that fine line between admiration and indifferent. Forced indifference more like it so I don't fall too hard on the ground. But alas, there are some things I just can't control. Best to do is live in it, through it and honour it without crossing any lines. 

But, I find that very idealistic, almost stupid sometimes for putting myself in this position. The amount of work it takes to even stay unaffected externally is laughable. Is it even necessary? I've yet to find out.

The universe I have relationship with is a sadistic one - loves to tease me till I bleed and smirk when it burns. Pfft. And as a weirdo human, I take it in stride like many other tests it has thrown at me. Why? Because,..I brilliantly set myself on fire. That's why.